Forever and A Day

In today's society, soul mates are something that seem to only exist in Disney movies. It seems like people are rushing into marriage, as if dating for five years is completely out of the question. In November, Alan and I will celebrate our 4th anniversary. We have friends who have been together half the time and are married. Alan's brother and sister-in-law have been together almost literally the exact same time we did. They got together 2 weeks before we did and have been married a little over a year now.

This doesn't phase me. As a woman, I do long for that trip down the isle and the phone call to change my last name. But the thought of marriage scares me. Let me rephrase that: the thought of DIVORCE scares me. Terrifies me. I am scared of the emotional pressure and restraint marriage would put on Alan. Though we share a child, there is something freeing about not having the strings. But I truly believe it is going to take something drastic to separate us. We are best friends, passionate lovers (though passionate fighters as well!), and a great team when we have a common goal. I am very deeply in love with him, even if the thought of marriage is still a little frightening.

It's strange that some people see this as being uncooth. I always believed it made more sense to live with someone and get to know them before you marry them. In our modern times, this seems like the only logical choice for two people who truly care about each other and wish to stay together. I will say, though, from experience, that moving in with someone too soon is never a good idea. Knowing someone before moving in with them is vital to the development of a healthy relationship. Alan and I lived together almost the entire time, until we broke up briefly and eventually lived apart (while dating) for about 10 months. This has been the only time we have broken up thus far. It lasted all of maybe a week and we simply decided to live apart. It was wonderful and exactly what our relationship needed. Our relationship shifted and has since changed, though we are not perfect and sometimes fight like cats and dogs. This is the one thing we desperately wish to change for Connor's sake, though our stubbornness often gets in the way.

Now that things have changed, I am overall much happier with our relationship. He has done things I could never imagine anyone else doing for me. I know I take this for granted, most relationships end because someone took someone else for granted. I try to constantly remind myself to be appreciative of everything he's done and in turn, this puts me in a much better mood. Relationships are difficult and being around someone all the time can create agitation and resentment. The trick is growing up and growing together, experiencing life together and getting closer along the way. Putting aside petty differences and remembering what's really important will make life so much easier. I am no saint and these are things we are still working to acheive. Yet I have ever confidence we will get there. After all, aren't we soul mates?